This week is Children’s Mental Health Week over here in the UK, and it’s a time where we focus on the mental and emotional wellbeing of the younger people in our lives. It’s been a difficult couple of years for many young people, with extended school closures and social distancing taking place during a period where peer bonding is an important part of our emotional development. And although the days are getting longer and we’re hoping we’ve seen the last of the national lockdown, it’s still quite a stressful time to be in education.
Many schools are still having to close or send year groups home due to Covid-19 transmission fears, many classes are facing staff absences due to illness, and many learners- especially those with neurodiversities or SEND – may still not be feeling like they’re where they might have been if the world as we knew it hadn’t changed overnight. Cases of depression and anxiety in children and young people are suspected to have doubled in the wake of the first series of lockdowns, so it’s more important than ever to take mental health seriously, and make sure that we’re communicating openly and honestly about mental health with the younger generations in our lives.
So we’ve put together a series of easy conversation starters that you might give a try if you’re looking to open up the idea of mental health, stress or anxiety with somebody young. You can also find out more about Children’s Mental Health Week and what you can do to get involved over at childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk.
💭 Talk about your own mental health. This is another part of removing the idea of sanctions from the equation – children and young people are much more likely to feel comfortable talking about negative emotions if you start by talking about your own. This doesn’t have to be in depth or even particularly specific – it could be as simple as saying “I get really anxious about things sometimes – do you get that too?”
💭 Try starting a conversation that isn’t about mental health! Sometimes people- especially young people- can find talking about their mental health intimidating, or feel that there may be even sanctions involved with feeling sad or down, and it can lead to them covering up or ‘masking’ their mental health worries. Try easing into the subject with starters such as asking how their social life is or how they’re finding being back in class; or even just about something they’re interested in as a hobby. Opening a door to easy conversations is the best way to making sure that they’re comfortable confiding in you, and defusing a situation where they might feel like they’re being interrogated.
💭 Chat about the changes that are happening in their lives. Change happens fast in childhood. We move between school years, friendship groups, focuses and different parts of our lives very quickly, and especially since the pandemic, many young people might have felt like it hasn’t stopped changing. Try “It’s been non-stop this year hasn’t it! It’s been pretty stressful – are you feeling okay with everything?”
💭 Bring up issues like bullying first. Sometimes taking the first step is the hardest, so it can help if you broach the conversation for them – admitting that they’re having issues with bullying might take months or even years of things escalating, so sitting down over a snack or even whilst spending quality time together can help to open up the idea and make them feel confident enough to speak out. Again, some younger children might associate bullying with punishment- unfortunately, in some situations, it can be mistaken for conflict in class and both the bully and the bullied end up with sanctions, and this is something a child might have seen happen in their own class. Again, it might help to frame it around your own school experiences, or something you’ve seen on TV, to make the subject feel less isolating to begin with. Try “I used to love playing games at school, but I did get bullied for a while because I wasn’t very good at football.” Always talk about a positive resolution too – narratives where you ‘just ignore it’ or ‘grow out of it’ often discourage people to seek help.
💭 Be open about neurodiversity and learning differences. It’s sometimes difficult to pinpoint where problems like depression, stress and anxiety actually stem from, but when somebody is neurodiverse or has SEND- and especially undiagnosed as neurodiverse or with SEND- they do have a much higher instance of mental health problems. Demystify neurodiversity by chatting about it from an early age, and making sure that children know that having these kinds of symptoms doesn’t mean that they’re unintelligent, or ‘bad at school’. If somebody’s expressed they’ve got some problems with maths anxiety, try “Some people have a condition called dyscalculia – it doesn’t mean that you’re bad at maths, it’s just that your brain works in a slightly different way.” And don’t forget to mention that there’s a lot that can be done to help young learners feel better in class if they are neurodiverse, too. Try “If you have dyscalculia, there’s actually a lot of help and support available – shall we look at some symptoms, and chat to your teachers about it?”
You can also find more tips and tricks about exploring the different aspects of mental health with the children and young people in your life at Place2Be’s Parenting Smart.